Confidence is one of those qualities that people are drawn to. If dark chocolate had a human quality, it would be confidence because it doesn’t have to get dressed up to still be really really good. But having confidence can be one of the most difficult traits, especially when it doesn’t come naturally. Not feeling confident can sometimes be draining too, and often results in feeling the opposite effect that confidence should produce Instead of feeling like “Yes! I can do this!”, you’re left looking at others curiously, wondering how they do it so beautifully, how they project confidence like they’re singing a song.
But when you’re not feeling confident, when you’re not even sure you are confident in the first place, looking to others can be a way to learn and soak in the quality. Everyone knows the phrase “fake it till you make it.” And everyone learns in different ways; a majority of people will probably say that they learn by doing rather than watching, but this time, give watching a try. Pay close attention to a few people who you think have confidence and who portray it naturally. By observing people’s behaviors, you can begin to understand the essence of their confidence. And then you can try to emulate what you see in them, you can start practicing.
Confidence is different for everyone, of course — it comes from different places for everyone; everyone has their own confidence boosters; everyone feels confident in different ways. Part of this challenge will be to find your own unique confidence. So as you’re watching other people being confident, understand that their confidence is unique to them, too.
Traits of Confident People
It may be surprising to read that the trait at the top of the list is that they listen. However, any good conversation begins with listening. And any good conversation can help increase feelings of confidence. In order to really communicate with people, it takes a level of active listening that many people have a hard time doing. But communicating is also understanding, which takes more than just hearing the words someone is saying, you have to hear the meaning behind the words. Practice listening, communicating, and understanding.
They’re Not Afraid of Being Wrong
No one can be 100% right 100% of the time. As soon as you can realize that being wrong can sometimes be good, the closer you will be to having confidence. There will always be situations where being wrong will feel awkward, and your brain might try to tell you that people are judging you for being wrong. But it’s OK. It is OK to be wrong. Own it. And try not to shy away from even giving yourself the opportunity to be right.
Having confidence also means knowing where your limitations are. Someone who is humble is never afraid to ask for help. They’re able to let the spotlight shine on someone else. Confidence isn’t always about getting the most attention or having the loudest voice, it’s about understanding the needs of others and having the confidence and self-esteem to step aside.
They Own Their Mistakes
Mistakes are bound to happen, so don’t let them get you down and don’t hide them away, but rather, own them. If you’ve ever made a mistake and tried to cover it up, you probably recognize the feelings of guilt, maybe a little shame, and insecurity. Admitting to making a mistake and asking for help can be hard, but it’s just another step in feeling and improving your self-confidence.
They Speak Up
Confidence is a quality that does come from within, but it can project loudly when it needs to. Being confident doesn’t mean that you’re loud and obnoxious, however. Instead, it simply means that you’re not afraid to make your opinion known, and that you’re confident in your opinion as well. If other people disagree or want to argue, your confidence can come in cool and head-strong in order to ease the situation.
Practice makes perfect, but when you’re not sure what confidence looks or feels like, you can try emulating other people’s traits to help get you started.
At Be You. Live Big, our team of success coaches want to help you succeed! After years of helping people find their inner confidence, we can’t wait to see how powerful and strong you can be when you find yours. Sign up for a course with a life coach from Be You. Live Big today!